Sunday, April 19, 2009

end of the worst week ever.

its almost 12:30. Its a saturday night.
I'm sitting here by myself, between loads of laundry. sorting out socks that don't match, filing misc papers that have been strewn about my room.
I have 0 friends here. Unless, you count Diana, who I sometimes count.
I thought when I started my jobs i would meet some people, I didn't. I hoped maybe at church I'd meet some people I could spend time with, I haven't. I thought for sure when school started I would make at least A friend. We don't even have time to talk in my one on campus class.

I am in this place where all I do is work. I work, and I do laundry, and I wait to hear back from D.
He has become my main source of socialization, not by choice, but because everyone else has disappeared from my life or lives too far away. He hates how much i depend on him, and I am starting to get really frustrated with it. Because its fruitless, he can't be here for me more than like 12 hours a week, and I am a person who needs tons of human contact.
But what am I supposed to do????
Is there something wrong with me?
I have considered posting a craigslist ad- but people are dying from meeting people off craigslist.

I went out with Diana and some of her friends from the theater department tonight. They were all a lot younger than me, and the dude who seemed kind of cool was an asshole.
One girl was talking to a black dude and she literally said "I know this other black guy, he always like gives me jazz cds and Im like OH MY GOD! I LOVE JAZZ!" and after that the 311 cover band started so it took off.
Now I'm here doing laundry, wondering why I haven't heard from him since 6, doing laundry, sorting socks, wondering what the fuck happened that I CANNOT MEET ANYONE WHO WILL GIVE ME THE TIME OF DAY!!!!!!!!
What is wrong with me????
Is there any one out there worthwhile, authentic, or even kind of interesting, looking for friends, or at least willing to make friends???????

I am lonely. So. So. lonely.
I hate it.
I'm really at a loss.
bad week

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