with the apple in my mouth, the food that celebrates your end.

I don't know what I'm feeling right now. Am I depressed? (usually.) Is it my period? (always.) Do I have an ulcer? (yes.) I have been waking up early because I can't sleep. last night I was more tired than I ever remember being, I stayed up til two making a budget for the next three months because I am freaking terrified of failing.
So now i'm up preparing for an event that Im usually incredibly enthusiastic about... but I don't really give a crap. There have been a lot of leadership changes and basically the ball got dropped big time and this is not going to be what it should have been... and I'm pissed and disappointed of COURSE I could have done it better, done it right. But man who cares, it might be totally jacked up but it's still a thing and totally deserves my enthusiasm and support. So Im sitting here resisting getting ready... well... pre-getting ready.
I'm listening to music and my stomach is hurting. Am I nervous? Am I upset that I haven't heard a word from him?? I don't know why, thats what happens in breakups, dummy. Or am I just sick from that ridiculous food from The Hat last night??

We went to see Donald Miller, my most favorite author, whom I just adore... and we met him.... and I am really disappointed. That's a weird feeling. My room mate and I were talking to him, and I was telling him about how awesome his book about growing up with out a dad was to me and how much it meant to me and he like gave me some rushed response and quickly turned to this beautiful leggy blonde who's name he already knew and was like all "oohh, heey. you know theres a green room if you want to wait" and Diana and no longer existed.
This really made me feel shitty man. I am bummed out my encounter with Donald Miller.
I guess dudes are still dudes even if they're "down to earth" christian dudes.

Never meet your heroes.

Maybe thats why I have diarrhea.
I need to go wash off all this disappointment and get my day started. I have kids to love today.