Monday, October 12, 2009

an open letter...

After Jr High, you're the only camp crush I ever had. I mean, I had lots of friendships that later developed into semirelationships and major crushes, but you were the only boy, who while at camp, captured my interest and gave me butterflies all week long. I remember vividly a slow dance we had on that wednesday night in 2002. I wrote a poem about it (kind of) that week and read it at the talent show.
You only came one summer and still think of you as often as I think of many who attended every year like the rest of us.
You've popped in and out of my life and I've seen you unexpectedly through out the post high school years, and I really can't say that phenomenon has occurred with anyone else I knew from camp... which as an adult is an even bigger part of my life than it was then. What is this magnetism?
Why are you showing up in my life? ....Why are you still in my brain?
You found me on myspace and added me, then deleted me, then added me again.
And even though its been two years since i last saw you (briefly, at the memorial) Somehow, In the midst of a reemergence, in the past month you've twice made plans to see me. and you flaked on both appointments. I decided to write you off forever, no big loss, you're just a ghost who pops up sometimes.

So why, in the middle of the most chaotic stressful weekend in years, did you appear randomly again?
In the middle of a crisis when all I wanted was to see the face of the one who i loved last, you appeared, doing your job, carrying a bag of trash through the foyer of the Emergency Room where I was waiting for another visitor. Of all of the faces to see at all the times, why were you the one who appeared?
Why do we keep popping up in each others' lives and tragedies?
What does this all mean?

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