Sunday, August 24, 2008

when I think of it, my fingers turn to fists...

I am talking to all these people, some my age, most younger, who are just starting out in real college. At one point in my high school adventures I had the potential to get into a real school and do the real thing. If math had not struck me down with such power, I would've worked hard to get into Berkeley. I probably wouldn't have ever gotten in there, but I would've gotten in somewhere, and gone and done the dorm things and gone to parties and met people and done things.
But the path I took was the one of least resistance and has continue to be.
Im kind of bummed right now, not really because I feel like I made the wrong choices, but because I feel so fucking stuck here and everyone else is doing all these fun, new things... and I can't even get anyone to answer the phone when I call. I just sit around here waiting.

I was looking at the viewbook for Emily Carr, the art school in Vancouver, and everything in there was so fucking clean, so good.
I am really starting to doubt my ability to get accepted into art school.
If I do not make it, I will have wasted another two years, focusing on classes for a school who's requirements are different than others. If I could handle math, I would be done with college by now.
My inability to do math has totally determined my education for me. It will never matter how good I am at anything else because I can completely not preform in one area. dope.

I want change so bad, I have nothing here. I miss my friends who are far flung.

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